Parents Obsessed

[Neckless]

How do you feel about parents who are obsessed with their children? They push them to the limits to achieve. Some parents even try to continue their own lives through their children. Some parents NEVER made the grade and through their children...finally are somebody! Obsessed--even if means to hurt someone. :mad:

[lilhommieb74]

i dont feel that great bout that. that makes me feel like if da child neva gets freedom or independence...and i would make me feel like if thier were using my life to accomplish der dreams.

[Melissa Jones]

I feel sad when i see this kind of stuff happening. they are our future and should be able to live how they choose - we should only be around to guide and protect them.

[boopcrazy]

i feel the same way i only want my kids to be happy and healthy i don't care if they are doctors or lawers they can fix cars as long as they r happy

[bexi3]

Children should be ree to decide what they want for their lives. If it's something the parents have always wanted, then great - if not, they need to put all of their energies into supporting the child in whatever they want to do (providing it doesn't wipe out their bank account!)

[Neckless]

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[Beware The Boop]

I think that parents shud incourage there kids to do something they are gud at but not forse them!!! :o Beware The Boop ;)

[BBooper]

i think parent's should encourage children to do something they enjoy and are good at, but forcing them into something means they will never learn!

BBooper
xxx

[Neckless]

Instead of...
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[sammiie]

Originally posted by BBooper
i think parent's should encourage children to do something they enjoy and are good at, but forcing them into something means they will never learn!

BBooper
xxx

totally agree

[Neckless]

I know a very religious parent who "fasts and prays".
She makes the 10 year old daughter do the same.

[boopcrazy]

praying thats fine, but i'm torn on the fasting for a 10yr old but every religon is different, but she is still a growing girl i'm not sure if fasting is the best thing for someone that age. but to each his own, i just hope and pray that the lil girls health is not put at risk by that at such a young age.

[Neckless]

She's a little bit on the chunky side...which means the little girl has been accustomed to eating...

[Neckless]

Parents do the darnest things. Children are all too often the victims of their parents selfish stupidity!

[Boopsie-Cola]

Neckless i really dont think it is fair that you say what that mother is doing is selfish or stupid, fasting is a big part of the muslim religion. there are rules and regulation to ensure that all muslims of all ages are kept healthy and safe, eg: pregnant women cant fast, elderly or sick people cant fast, people travelling long journeys cant fast and young children cant fast.
islam asks that girls begin to fast when they hit maturity, ie, start the womanly cycle. this is a sign to show that the girl is physicaly able to fast, and so the ten year old girl may be an early developer. if she is not then i agree it is wrong for her to begin to fast at ten years old.
maybe the mother is breaking in fasting to her daughter bit by bit eg asking her to do a couple of days instead of a whole month. as this is the only way a young muslim can ever become accostomed to it, If the mother is breaking any of the rules of islam and forcing her daughter to fast when it could risk her health then i agree with you. but i wud still avoid using words such as "stupid" or "selfish"
i think that religion should be opposed at an early age because when you are young you should be taught the ways of your parents religion, so that wen you are a lil bit older you fully understand your religion and can decide wether to continue or not. eg the same way christians christen their babies at birth, and then when they older they can decide wether they wish to carry on with christianity by having a confirmation or not.
When the young girl becomes a lil bit older and more aware of the world im sure she will be able to make up her own mind about her faith.

[BBooper]

wow! you know alot on this subject Boopsie!! i think it's up to the mother to decide whether she think's her child is able to fast. And she may feel strongly about her daughter's health and may think fasting is for tHe best.. as well as it being apart of her religion! Plus i think it will be good for the little girl, it means she's all grown up and it will prepare her for future fasting! :)

BBooper
xxx

[Boopsie-Cola]

thanx 4 the support bbooper, i outta know a lot about the subject!!!!!!!!
fastings not as scary as it sounds u know! and its bn proven to be good 4 the body to have an anual clean out.
bess x xx ;)

[Neckless]

Boopsie-Cola...I agree with you to a degree.
~ ~ Q U O T E ~ ~
"Parents do the darnest things. Children are all too often the victims of their parents selfish stupidity!"

I did not say this parent was selfish or stupid.
My statement is above.

This particular parent whom I in-directly know...is not muslim but is highly religious. She does fast and pray from what I understand. She has a daughter and makes her do the fasting and praying along side her. No particular reason, other than "It's time to fast and pray...because you eat too much. Overeating is sinful." The daughter is oftentimes resentful of this and cries out during her school hours. I don't know the mother well enough to call her stupid or selfish.

That statement is true though in a lot of cases. Parents can do some pretty selfish and stupid things with/through their kids. (i.e. their own failures and intentions are imposed via the children.)

Example:
JonBonet Ramsey (USA) was driven into one beauty contest after another...
Why? The mother lived her life/continued her life through the girl.
My thought: Mother was selfish and did stupid things by pushing this child to the limit and beyond. The child looked very much like an adult. (heavy make-up).
This child is dead today. No clue as to who killed her.

My comment: Children are all too often the victims of their parents selfish stupidity.

[Neckless]

Latest News

Just thought I'd bring this topic back to the surface.

This little girl and her mother... are NOW being review by Childrens Protection Services. The mother (from what I hear) punishes this child by restricting food and forceful fasting. She (little girl) may very well be pulled out of the home. The mother is in a bad relationship with the girls' step-father.

I believe the mother is taking her frustrations out on the little girl.

[boopcrazy]

i really hope she is and that the mother gets help.

boopsie r u a muslim? is that how you know so much about it?

Thank You for the short lesson into the muslim faith.

[Neckless]

Yeah. That family is troubled. Fasting is NOT working for them.

[Melissa Jones]

I wish all the very best for the Young Girl. Its always the kids that I feel for. Its the parents role no matter what religion, race, etc to look after them. Such stories make me sad and i have to say that i agree with your comment N'less about children being the victims......

Its great hearing eveyones point of few though. keep the ideas coming ladies.

[Neckless]

...people find me as someone they can "exhaust" to. Children are constantly...victimized...94.5% by their bio-logical parents.
Soooo...unfortunate....but soooooooo true.

[lilhommieb74]

wow........ now dats child abuse......... i think dat dis is all happening cuz wen da parents werre children da dicipline dat dey used 2 hav iz now child abuse...... and i think dats tru cuz in da old days dey used 2 dicipline ppl by pulling dem by da ear or hitting dem.....

[lilhommieb74]

...... so now ppl abuse der children cuz dats da way dey were raised and dey r used 2 it....

[Candlesnboop]

I do not know If I wanna talk about child abuse......umm I had my baby taken away from me for 2 days thank to an ex fiance........

I do not care how a parent takes care of their child as long as they do not leave marks ....that is just not called for....A child is suppose to be loved and held....

[BBooper]

if you do not feel comfortable about this thread candles then im glad you said. if you had said earlier we could have stopped this topic earlier. i think other's will agree as well that now that this topic has been discused maybe we should leave it be.

BBooper
xxx

[Candlesnboop]

No need for that I was just experssing feelings.... I though it was origanally started for another reason... Maybe we can get back on that train of though Maybe that would be best wht do you think Booper????

[BBooper]

yer i think you are right :)

BBooper
xxx

[Candlesnboop]

Originally posted by Neckless
How do you feel about parents who are obsessed with their children? They push them to the limits to achieve. Some parents even try to continue their own lives through their children. Some parents NEVER made the grade and through their children...finally are somebody! Obsessed--even if means to hurt someone. :mad:

Pushing a child to achieve their best and to do their best is ok....but to continue on with hurting a person is just not approved with the USA goverment.....

Remember our friends....our loved ones.....our sympythies for those in 9/11:(:(:(

[lilhommieb74]

may der souls rest in peace..........everytime i hear bout 9/11 i feel horrible and sad......

[Candlesnboop]

My sentiments exactly!

[Bikerbettyboop]

We just need to stop and remember them whenever we can... the same with all the vets too.

[Candlesnboop]

You said VETS and I though veternarians!!! God there gos that darn pregnant brain.... Yes got to remember our grandfathers and fathers....ect

[Neckless]

I strongly agree:
Children should be loved and encouraged...held close and told that they are loved...constantly and unconditionally.

This topic is reality! This is a real situation. Pardon me if anyone is offended.

[Candlesnboop]

Not me:)

[melisa73074]

Lets be 4 real. sometimes us parents loose it,cause i know i do. But i walk away from them or give them to there father.and u cant always hold them and say i love u all the time. There is something called tough love. But not to where u hurt ur childs feelings. <a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_1_113v.gif' border=0></a>

[Neckless]

melisa73074...
Thanks for being REAL!
I'm very outspoken and sometimes I may come on a lil too strong. But I'm a realist! Hey! I lost it a few times with my kiddies...when they were trying to find their own way in life. Instructions don't come with babies. So parenting calls for a lot of exploring.

[Bikerbettyboop]

ha ha Candles... that was funny.... my sis worked for an animal hospital for over 30 years!!

Neckless how could anyone be offended by what you said... it was a beautiful statement!! And everyone is right about sometimes parents lose patience but we just have to overcome it and not let it get out of hand.

[Neckless]

true that biker! I brought this topic back because I had something to share with the BB posters/readers.

My response is to this:

if you do not feel comfortable about this thread candles then im glad you said. if you had said earlier we could have stopped this topic earlier. i think other's will agree as well that now that this topic has been discused maybe we should leave it be.
OOOoooppppsss! No offense to anyone!
I post and comment on topics where I have something to add.

[melisa73074]

Yes Biker, we as parents have to control ourselves, but what about those parents who hit there kids outside in front of everyone. I think that is so tasteless. I always walk away and ignore it but then later on all i do is think about what happened to that kid.
There are just some parents who have no control, i mean they just go crazy on thier kids and it drives me insane. Here in New York, i have seen some crazy things and i just wonder if everybody feels like the way i do or if im just on my own.I know its silly of me to feel like this but hey thats just the way i was raised.<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/12/12_1_226.gif' border=0></a>

[Bikerbettyboop]

Neckless I must've missed that one.

Melisa I think that some of the parents who lose control are just under too much stress or they are very immature.

If I saw someone hit their kids, I would probably say something to them because I'm pretty outspoken. Someone has to look out for the children and just because we're a stranger doesn't mean we should turn our backs or ignore a child who may be subject to abuse.

[Boopsie-Cola]

Originally posted by boopcrazy
i really hope she is and that the mother gets help.

boopsie r u a muslim? is that how you know so much about it?

Thank You for the short lesson into the muslim faith.

yes im muslim, islams a peaceful religion that teaches followers to respect every1 no matter what, it really drives me crazy how muslims today seem to forget about the real religion do what ever crazy act they like and say its down to islam to give all us real muslims a bad name, no wonder we got it so bad in the media today, im kinda ashamed to class my self under the same catogary as most of those muslims you see in the news everyday, who in my eyes are not muslim atall and are going to hell, but i am definatly not ashamed of my faith,
i wudnt mind clearing up any other misconceptions anyone has to do with the muslim faith. xx

[Bikerbettyboop]

HI Boopsie,

thank you for the information regarding Islam... it's very interesting... and yes I agree that it is sad that some bad seeds have made it difficult for Muslims.

I am a Christian and I try to live my life as best as I can to be an example of my faith and that's really all any of us can do.

Hopefully we all see that the majority of the people in the world are really good people who all want the same things... peace and harmony and good will towards our fellow man.

[Candlesnboop]

Originally posted by Neckless
How do you feel about parents who are obsessed with their children? They push them to the limits to achieve. Some parents even try to continue their own lives through their children. Some parents NEVER made the grade and through their children...finally are somebody! Obsessed--even if means to hurt someone. :mad:

I never intended that I was against this in the first place. I was also commenting oh how close things can hit home if you do not know what is going on in your own house hold.... If you go back to my first post on this subject You will understand what I mean....

I was never against us talking about this but I thought this was directed in a different way than what it had origanlly was started for.. Or maybe I just had looked at the situation in a different perspective than everyone else...

In one way you can look at it that yes parents are obsessed about their child achieving their best in school and outside school activites.... or Parents are obsessed in pushing their children to do more than what they think they can..... This way yes they can hurt their children.....but I do not see that kind of hurt to be as Child abuse!!! But yes the child has had a different kind of hurt Pshycholgically. This can sometimes taken care of some times it can't. We have to treat others the same way we would want to be treated and there are time that way is wrong because of the way we were raised by our parents was ok back then.....



Candles

[Bikerbettyboop]

Candles that seems to make sense to me and hopefully it will make sense to Neckless and everyone else too.

[Candlesnboop]

Thanks Biker for your support!!:)

[melisa73074]

Im sorry but im going to stick to my guns, if a parent is going to make there child do something that they dont want to do, that is a form of abuse,not physical but mental. That can bring a childs self esteem down. they will always feel that they could never satisfy u, and thats a horriable way to feel around ur parents.As a parent no matter how ur kid turns out ur job is to love them regardless.Hope no one takes this the wrong way, just expressing how i feel on this subject.

[Neckless]

Neckless I must've missed that one.

S'not a problem Biker.

Lots of things get missed...here. S'Ok.

[melisa73074]

thx Neckless!!!!!!

[Neckless]

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[Candlesnboop]

I am wondering if this is getting to be a more personal thread and if it is appropriate anymore to keep talking about Child Abuse?????

We could talk about parents being obessed, that is a different subject yea?

That is just what I think though.

[mgchan]

Sometimes we unintentionally stray from the original topic.

The question is do we think parents can be so obsessed with living their life through their children that it can be construed as a form of child abuse.

It's a good question but one that can lead to heated debates. Why? We have a wide range of age groups here. Some are parents, some are not. Others are children themselves. We all have different opinions, experiences, beliefs and are from different parts of the world.

What is the point I'm getting to? Guidelines for everyone:

- Think twice about the questions and topics you post here.
- Make sure it's appropriate for the audience here.
- Finally, make sure it's descriptive enough for everyone to understand the intent of the question or topic.

[Candlesnboop]

Mgchan,

I think you have great guidlines maybe you could set that up under somthing to just read before posting when a person becomes a member. Although we do not know if people look in to that stuff before they go an start posting..

Where would it be read the most??? HMMM??

Ya know where I am going here?

Candles

[mgchan]

I'm going to set up posting guidelines in all of the forums. Hopefully no one will miss them!

[Candlesnboop]

Kool sounds great. I saw the link, you made it very usable!! Sure caught my attention:)

[Neckless]

OK.
I counted to 10 and I have let it go.