How to tackle a tough subject

[livingbooper]

Attention ALL:

I started a discussion with Kayla on a personal subject in another topic. I have moved it to here to help her with her problem.
It may be uncomfortable for some of you to read this as it is about an awkward situation and is not about a fluffy fun subject. I am trying to help Kayla.

SO ENTER INTO THIS TOPIC AT YOUR OWN RISK!

KAYLA:
Please respond to me here so that I know you have moved it to here. Then we can pick up the subject.
Please, tell me more about these girls. Then I can help you better.
Once I know you are here, I am going to stop any notices to me from the skating topic, o.k.?

So get back to me...:)

---Lizzy

[bexi3]

I gotto agree with you Lizzy, Kayla needs to just be a friend to these two girls - let them know that they're not alone, and when she's earned their trust she can talk to them tactfully about whatever the problem is.

I had a similar situation when I was at school. There was a girl who had a bit of a hygiene problem and used to get bullied. She actually wasn't a particularly nice person, but that's not the point. I just said to her one day that she needed to look after herself a bit more because it wasn't good for her. She knew that she didn't smell too good, but didn't do anything about it.
Its tough to tell someone something like that, but sometimes you just have to for their own good!

[Kayla]

They do have body oder and there cloths are to small. Everyone picks on them it is so sad.

[Kayla]

They are shy and quiet. they are nice when I talk to them.Most of the girls in the class are stuck on them self.I hate when people pick on people because of the way somone look.Some times they cant help it or maby there parents did not teach them to clean and take care of them self.

[livingbooper]

I'm glad that you found this new thread!

Well, let's see.... You guys are still in school? You have year-round school? Or are you all on Summer break?

I do think that if you truly care that you should say something to them yourself. Bringing it up to a teacher would only create a lot of embarrassment for them. And I can tell that you really want to help them.

Well, good luck.
I'll "talk" to you soon.

---Lizzy

[livingbooper]

P.S.
I can't stand stuck up girls either...and believe me, they can be found in all ages!!!!!!!!!:eek:

[Kayla]

we dont go to the same school but we have a class together in a nother town. It is a Health class.I dont now if she has P.E.I dont go all year.I am kind of shy when I dont know somone so it might take some time but I will try and get to know them butter so it will be easyer.There hair dose look dirty.It is so sad whan people go though this during school.

[Boopsie-Cola]

i know you guys all mean well but how fair do you think it is on the two girls to have thier personal issues discussed openly on the world wide web?
maybe you should all stop to considor their feelings first before carrying on with this thread. because i know how embarased and devestated i would be if there was a forum discussion about my problems happening on the internet without me even knowing about it.

[livingbooper]

I moved this thread to here so that we could discuss her problem. I even put a warning to enter at your own risk. I welcome help and advice from others such as what Bexi3 has offered. This is OUR discussion, and it is a meaty one. I think that we are almost done, but I will continue to talk with Kayla here, if you don't mind.

I can tell that Kayla is a very shy person. I feel for her. I too, was shy at her age. Finally after many years of working on it, and going into retail sales to force myself to talk to people, I got over it. But shyness is incredibly painful. I know. Flamboyant kids like you and Deadpool used to intimidate the heck out of me. Fortunately I was attractive and well groomed enough to get by and maintain a small circle of friends (who tried to get me out of my shell) but there were others who were shy and overweight, or unkempt, or goofy looking who were given a very hard time by the more popular people. I felt sorry for them and from time to time would force myself out of my shy little shell to talk to them a little bit so that they would not feel so isolated.

So you see, these issues hit very close to home with me, which is why I want to help Kayla so much.

[livingbooper]

Hi Kayla,

I would be willing to give you my email address so that we could exchange private posts, but don't know how to do it without giving it out to everyone here. And I don't want to do that. If they had a real chat room, I could whisper it to you, but they don't. So we'll have to continue to talk here.

I believe that these girls are poor and their family barely gets by. Toiletries are probably a luxury. My first idea of giving a gift would be so cool if your folks can help you get the gift. It would make the start of your girl-to-girl talk with them much easier to do.

What else do you want to talk about? I read that you like horses. Do you have any, or live by some? I've always loved horses. I've always lived in the suburbs so there were never any nearby. But when I'm on vacation and there are public stables nearby, I like to go on rides. I think that this is why I love my motorcycles so much. They are like steel steeds. And much cheaper to feed, might I add!!! lol

Talk to you later!:D

---Lizzy

[livingbooper]

Have you been to the thread called "The Birthday Post" yet? You've gotta check it out!:D

---Lizzy

[Bikerbettyboop]

Hey Lizzy... have you been riding much? It's been rainy here.. so not much riding on my part.

Hope Kayla gets things worked out with the girls........ from what I read you gave her good advice....

[livingbooper]

Hey BBB!
Thanks for the support. As soon as I know Kayla has read and noted the advice I am going to edit it and remove some of the details.
We DID cover slightly politically incorrect subject matter.... but I feel that anything that is important to anyone is worth talking about. I hope my advice helps Kayla.
I haven't ridden in a couple of weeks due to working a lot, the show last weekend, and what I had attended yesterday... It's been very hot and somewhat humid here lately, good riding weather.
Yesterday Don and I attended a biker funeral and rode The Dragon in the motorcade following the hearse. The dearly departed was the wife of one of the officers in our club who lost her fight with cancer. The entourage was impressive and long, and we had a police escort blocking traffic for most of the way. We were very proud to be a part of this. She was a very great lady, very well-loved. I'm sure she must have been impressed with what was put together for her in her honor as she looked down from heaven.....
When we get married next year, we'll be seeing most of these same people and then some, and just think of the grand parde we will put together for this happier event!

Well, take care, ride safe...Yes, get out there and ride!
And I'll talk to you soon!

---Lizzy

[livingbooper]

Since our conversation was so explicit and personal, and really between you and I, I had an idea.... Since a couple of people seemed uncomfortable with it, and there is no need to post it forever once you get what you need out of it, I thought "Why keep it around forever?".
I learned how to edit posts. You just go to your post, press the edit button, and you can change anything you've written. So I am going back into the thread about skating and removing my comments and changing them to be less specific. That way, anyone coming across my comments in the future won't have to see our conversation... Sound like a plan? You can do it too!
When I know that you are finished with what I have written in this thread, I will change these posts as well.
Let me know when you're done with them!

I'll talk to you soon!:D

---Lizzy

[Kayla]

I dont have any horse but we live by some.They cost to much.I rode one when I was 8.They heart the first time.I have friends who have some but my parents keep me on a tight lesh.I do go to many places.I alway wanted one.I want a horse farm.

[livingbooper]

So...did you go to the birthday post?????
Some of us wished you a Happy Birthday!

Yes, horses are expensive. I love them though. The last time I went riding was at a stable in Yosemite. It was a lot of fun. And I think the horse liked me because as I was leaving the corral, he tried to follow me out! The horses were hanging around loose in the corral, and one of the handlers had to grab his reins! I thought it was very funny....

I'll talk to you later...

---Lizzy

[Kayla]

I go to the park and the people who live next to it has two I like to go pat them.The are butiful my cousin is afaid of them she got kicked of once when she was a kid.I went to the park with her once and she wont evan pat one but that was ok I under stand.

[boopsiegirl]

Hi Lizzy, I agree with you these girls must be poor & have no money for clothes & toiletries, I feel really bad when people tease because when these girls growup they will have low self esteem from being picked on by these bullies. You are a very kindhearted girl kayla to stick up for these girls but be careful that these girls don't pick a fight with you because you are defending the girls. You were brought up the right way & these bullies were not. You are a good girl. Talk to you soon Gina;)

[Boopsie-Cola]

well lizzy, im not trying to offend just trying to give my point of view that i dont think discussing someones hygene issues and money problems on the web is very nice or considorate atall, anonomous or not anonomous,
but then again its only my opinion and im sure youll carry on with your thread with or without my aproval,
also maybe you should think about being a little nicer in the way you speak to fellow bbf members, your tone in your post to me sounded thretaning and unkind, which is not what we try to encourage here on thr betty boop forum.
im a moderator here in the chit chat lounge and so its my job to make sure all posts and threads are appropriate, which is why im not gonna just go skip along to the "fluffy" lets skate thread and "play with deadpool" but watch over everything that is being said here as well as in other threads.
try and lighten up lizzy and remember wer all here to have fun after all it is the betty boop forum ;)

[DEADPOOL]

Originally posted by livingbooper
I beg your pardon!
#1 These girls are totally *********. Never have we mentioned any names. The only clue to their whereabouts is the state in the U.S. where Kayla lives.
#2 Do you think that THAT many people come here on the world wide web? I had this computer for 1 1/2 years before I discovered this place. I only discovered it because I was looking for BB stuff for my new bike that I'd just bought. Didn't know BB land existed before then.
#3 Everything that Kayla has written about these girls suggests that they are very poor. I doubt very much that their fingers have ever touched a computer keyboard, unless it was at school.
#4 Kayla has a huge heart and is a very real person. She has a real problem and is trying to help someone, so I am trying to help her. Tell me, have you read any of her previous posts, Boopsie-cola? Have you? Kayla has tugged at my heart-strings. She is new here, so please be nice to her!

I moved this thread to here so that we could discuss her problem. I even put a warning to enter at your own risk. I welcome help and advice from others such as what Bexi3 has offered. This is OUR discussion, and it is a meaty one. I think that we are almost done, but I will continue to talk with Kayla here, if you don't mind. Some of the other discussions in this forum are frivolous and down right silly. Obviously kid stuff. Why can't two people have a serious discussion here?

I can tell that Kayla is a very shy person. I feel for her. I too, was shy at her age. Finally after many years of working on it, and going into retail sales to force myself to talk to people, I got over it. But shyness is incredibly painful. I know. Flamboyant kids like you and Deadpool used to intimidate the heck out of me. Fortunately I was attractive and well groomed enough to get by and maintain a small circle of friends (who tried to get me out of my shell) but there were others who were shy and overweight, or unkempt, or goofy looking who were given a very hard time by the more popular people. I felt sorry for them and from time to time would force myself out of my shy little shell to talk to them a little bit so that they would not feel so isolated.

So you see, these issues hit very close to home with me, which is why I want to help Kayla so much.

Why don't you go back to your fluffy skate thread and go play with deadpool? Judging from your forum participation so far, that is more your speed.

---Lizzy

Hold ON!!, Now back of Boopsie-Cola, she may well have a point! What if those twogirls where to enter this forum today, it would be pretty clear to them that you are talking about them!!

And secondly This is not an agony Aunt's page!! SO go find one and discuss problems there, i let your insults go the first time but now im taking it the whole mile, ive had it up to here with you :mad: . Why dont you stop being sooo controling and insulting to others.
I for one didnt even get involved in this thread but somehow you managed to include me, and at the same time take a crack at Boopsie-Cola.

You just better calm down, as these are open threads after all!

[mgchan]

livingbooper > Your reply to Boopsie-Cola, and in the previous thread to DEADPOOL is out of line.

The forums are to be used by all members and are not to be used as a private forum by any one member or group.

We appreciate your participation in the threads and you trying to help Kayla out, or any member for that matter. But when you lash out at another member, especially the moderators, and with that tone then you are being rude. Please refrain from that type of conduct on these forums.

Kayla > We're all here as your friends! You have done nothing wrong on your part and we welcome your participation in the forums.

[livingbooper]

WEll it's obvious thet this place is set up just for little kids.
This place is ruled by immature teenagers.
You can't talk about anything here but silly stuff.
I'm sorry but I have a brain.
I did nothing wrong.
If you go back, you will see that I edited my first posts in the skate thread and took out any possibly offensive references.
I was waiting for Kayla to let me know if she was finished with my advice here then I was going to edit these. These were for her eyes only, really.
I probably overreacted to Deadpool. But re-read Boopsir-cola's message to me. She was very nasty, full of herself.
Also I noticed last night when Biker Betty Boop wrote to me about a motorcycle stuff it was under Boopsie-Cola's Birthday thread, so I made a new thread just for motorcycle talk and tried to move the conversation there out of politeness.

I have noticed that the older more mature members here supported me and acknowleged that I was giving good advice. It is only the youngsters who think that they are great and rule who had a problem with my advice. And since it was Kayla who brought up the subject and asked for the advice, I felt that the snotty remarks by a certain popular Booper were hurtful to HER and I felt the need to defend her and us. I am fiercly loyal and defensive of the people I care about, and I care about Kayla.

I again want to remind you that I have edited down my first posts since we are done. And look to the tone of your OWN posts before you point fingers.

I will look into the sites that Biker Betty Boop has told me about. I am hoping to run into her there.

So I am leaving. I'll go elsewhere where the forum isn't ruled by kids, where one has the freedom for a real conversation, and can have intelligent conversation.

Deadpool, you just lost your artist.

Goodbye.

---Lizzy

[livingbooper]

Goodbye Kayla.

It was nice meeting you. Good luck with everything. Please take care of yourself and keep that diabetes under control.

Love,
Lizzy

[DEADPOOL]

Originally posted by livingbooper
Deadpool, you just lost your artist.

Goodbye.

---Lizzy

Now why do you want to leave the site for good?? Now i dont mind if i've lost you as an artist, as i've been looking for an artist for a good three months and havent had much luck, so i aint expecting any good fortune any time soon.
But now you say this site is immature, but to be honest with you, your leaving of this site is beyond being childish, its just being stuck up. And as i have read in an earlier post, you just hate people who are "Stuck Up!"

Now as a Fellow-Booper, i'm willing to wipe the slate clean over a very large mis-understanding! And invite you back!

Now, if you dont wanna come back, please dont throw it in my face, as it's taken a lot of courage and pride to ask you back.

So from me to you, DEADPOOL says come back to BettyBoop Forums!!

[mgchan]

livingbooper...

I'm sorry if you feel the way you do. These 'kids' you refer to have acted in a much more mature manner that what you've shown on these forums.

You've made disparaging remarks directed to these individuals and yet not once have I read any negative retort by them back to you. In your 'farewell speech' you continued to vent at them.

If you do come back on and read DEADPOOL's last response to you... think about who's been acting immature and out of line.

You're welcome to stay if you wish, it's your choice.

[Kayla]

I am sorry if I casted any trouble in this site.I did not mean to.I just asked what somone else would do.I dont want any one to leave this site because of me.I only sign on as a member but you all have proberly been on here for a long time.The last thang I want to do is cast any trouble to any one.

[livingbooper]

Kayla,
Please do not feel guilty.
I made the decision to try to answer your questions and to help you.

[Kayla]

I just sent the e-mail.I am still sorry if I cost any problem.Thanks for the birthday massage.I did get some good gifts.

[livingbooper]

*

[livingbooper]

*

[Kayla]

I just sent it.

[Kayla]

I did not get that post.

[livingbooper]

*

[Kayla]

Did you get it?

[livingbooper]

Yes, and I'm going to erase my other message.
Thanks!

---Lizzy

[mgchan]

Hi Kayla,

Please do not feel that you did anything wrong. Livingbooper's comments and decision is not the result of anything that you did. It is her decision and hers alone. She's been very helpful in the forums and the hopes are that she'll continue, but being rude to other members in another thing. There's no excuse for that.

I would caution you on any guidance or recommendations any one member gives to you. Like anything, you always go for a second opinion and you ulimately must make the decision.

With the Internet, it is very easy for anyone to hide behide the e-mail address. You really don't know the individual, whether they are male or female, young or old, and if their intentions are good or bad. That's why the posts here are open. This way all members can see what's going on and participate.

I'm not saying Livingbooper's intentions are bad, but please be careful with any advice she or anyone may give. People give advice and make recommendations based on their own experience. So any advice given may not always be the correct course of action.

It's important that you talk to your mom about how you feel about her losing her job. Don't keep this inside of you. Please discuss some of the issues you stated with her. Don't ever feel guilty for anything you think you may have done wrong while growing up. Parents love their children and will make any sacrifices necessary for their children. I know, I have a daughter (almost 8 yrs old) and I would do anything for her!

Regarding the two girls with perceived hygiene issues. Not to contradict what I said earlier about advice... be their friends because you want to. Not because you feel sorry for them or want to improve their hygiene. It all comes from the heart. Anything you do should be done because you want to, not because you expect anything in return or there is a motive behind it. That's important in life, it must all come from the heart!

If you do make friends with them, I would not suggest giving them any toiletries or making any direct comment about their hygiene. That would be the biggest mistake and you will surely lose them as friends. By their association with you as a friend, their hygiene may improve. Who doesn't want to look their best around their friends! Plus they're probably around 19 years old also, which means boys start coming into the picture!

Please continue to post on the forums, we want to be your friend. Imagine telling your buddies you have friends from all around the world!

One more thing... don't grow up so quickly! I know, you're 19, but I sure wish I was 19 again and home with my parents!

Michael

[livingbooper]

Well, mgchan, I agree that everyone is entitled to an opinion. Yours is very well thought out and presented, and you have presented it without trying to make the other person with the different advice feel bad. This is the difference between you and the other posts which upset me. You have some good advice for Kayla yourself, and you said it well.
I am an open book, and I hide nothing from anyone, except maybe my finances....
I'm sorry, but I really felt like I was being attacked.
Go back and read the other posts to me.
I don't know how to post the quotes here, but believe mw I would have. I was not the only person being rude. Just look. And look at your own post.
I am extemely uncomfortable being here. I am used to discussing things openly with people. I participate in other forums without all of this hullabaloo. I try to present my points of view intelligently.
Upon realizing that my advice was becoming offensive to some, I edited my posts to remove certain references to hygene. (I notice that you have brought them back.) I also tried to change the subject when I felt that enough had been said.
Just read through the posts. I realize that much of mine are missing, but please see that it wasn't strictly a one-way street.
I did get offended. I did feel attacked. I still feel like I'm being attacked. You yourself keep ragging on me. In each post.
How can I come back if you guys won't drop it and keep saying nasty things about me? Hmmmm?
I apologize to Deadpool about the first comment because I know I overreacted. But please read what was said to me later. That wasn't very nice.
I told Kayla about the "Chit-Chat police" to explain about the JOKE. This was not to be offensive. I figured she didn't know, and I find inside jokes amusing.

I close by saying again that this last post was well written. Except I wish you didn't have to take another shot at me.
If the other ones had taken the time to write theirs with as much thought, and presented it as, say, "I know you are trying to help, but we don't feel the subject is appropriate, could you please change the subject" I wouldn't have taken such offense. I would have understood. Again, please read the tone of those posts. Don't you understand? I feel that those posts were rude to me.

I have tried to write this as intelligently and as non-inflamatory as possible. I'm hoping that you can see my point of view, even a little bit.

But if you keep calling me names, I will never come back to post.
I'm glad to see that you read about Kayla and at least see why I am so interested in talking with her and helping her. Your advice to her is good as far as getting involved with people on the net. I am a middle-aged woman with a big heart, but I know that there are many not-so-nice people out there.

---Elizabeth

[Kayla]

Thank you for the advice.

[mgchan]

Elizabeth,

I'm not quite sure about what you mean about the posts, I have done nothing to bring back any posts nor have the other moderators. That's not my style nor is it of the moderators. I will state that I have not read all of the most recent posts prior to their edits.

It is because the forums is made up of members from all over the world and of different ages the moderators, myself included, represent a wide range in age on these forums. That is the point we try to make to the members.

Though we're a little bit 'relaxed' in the Chit Chat Lounge, this site is own and operated by King Features Syndicate and Fleischer Studios, Inc. It's not a public forum established by a fan. With the exception of myself, the moderators are fans just like you. They were basic guidelines by me on the forums and have done a wonderful job.

If anyone of us moderators feels a topic is not right for the forums or a member is out of line, then it is our responsibility to make that point. If the forums are not 'policed' then this forum will go down the drain, as I have witnessed in countless open forums! When a member is asked by a moderator to change the topic or told something is out of line, it should not be taken as a personal attack or criticism. That member is free to voice their opinion to the moderator as to why they disagree and it is then discussed amongst the moderators.

I don't believe I took another shot at you in my previous post, I was making it clear what the issue was. You have been very helpful here and I hope you continue to participate in the forums. This place is really a fun place and there are many wonderful members here, including yourself.

There's enough stress in life to have to encounter it here! :D

Michael

[mgchan]

To all members:

I've decided to close this thread because I don't want it to continue going back and forth. Debating what was said or done is not constructive to the forums. :(

Now let's all give each other a hug and move on! :D